Strong Willed versus Weak Willed

Strong willed versus weak willed is a topic that has been on my mind for about two weeks now. It brings so many topics to my attention: the differences in my sister and I, the attitude of my husband, and how to parent my daughter.

I'll start with Jessica. She is my strong-willed, successful, opinionated, beautiful, bossy, amazing, older sister. Some of you know her.


See, I told you she is beautiful! Since we were children, she always thought she could tell me what to do. And she wanted me to get into trouble, I think she reveled in it! When we were very young, before I could write or reach tall places, she carved MOR in the top of the microwave. When Mom asked her about it, she said I did it! Which my mother knew was completely impossible. Jessica was punished... I shouldn't be telling this story, but it's one of my favorites. It just goes to show that she knew what she was doing even from a young age. She was determined to get what she wanted accomplished. The definition of strong-willed is strong-minded, having a vigorous, independent will. This is my sister, from birth to now. If you know her, you'll agree. She gets the job done, argues if she doesn't get her way, and can convince me to do whatever she wants. But the reason I'm telling you all of this is also to shine a light on how she "stepped up" when I needed her. If she had been weak-willed like me, we would have both been in the dark place when my mom passed away. We couldn't both be in the dark place! Neither one of us would have survived!! My sister became my caretaker when I had Madeley. She stepped up in my mother's absence and she did what she needed to, so that I would have the support I needed. This is why I'm thankful to have a strong-willed sister. My bossy older sister ended up to be my amazing, caring friend. Here we are, weak-willed, strong-willed, and the one who nurtured us along the way...



We need to discuss my strong-willed husband now. He doesn't take no for an answer, he argues every view point he has, he doesn't allow me to win an argument. He may come back later to apologize, but that doesn't count as an "in the moment" win for me. I love him deeply still. This man has helped his weak wife become stronger. He encourages me to stand up for myself. He coaches me in sharing my view points. And he leaves me by myself at home (duck hunting widow as my friend Rebekah would call it), so that I have the opportunity to overcome my fear of being home alone at night. I'm sure that's why he goes, he just wants to support me in becoming a stronger woman, right? Right. Anyway, his strong-willed self has been the most wonderful balance to my weaknesses. Love him.


(yes, that's me frog gigging... Husband also introduces me to new things. And, I just think he looks down right handsome in this picture!)

My last point in today's essay (which I am calling this, because it has kind of turned out to be my first 3-point essay in about 15 years. English teachers: be proud!), is my dear Madeley. She is as strong-willed as they come, even at the age of one. Her physical therapist sees her 2 days a week and has thankfully pointed all if this out to me. It has opened up a whole new world to parenting. We must give strong-willed children options. They must not feel backed into a corner, other wise the will most likely throw what we call a "fit". A fit may consist of throwing his or her body on to the floor and pushing with the feet to the point that the body spins and scoots all over the room. You may hear anything from moans, screams, or even satanic sounds. Your job as the mother is to take control of this situation. The only problem is that you haven't had ANY training in doing so. I know my mother had no idea what to do with my sister! The good news is that the strong-willed child can grow up to be very successful! In raising a strong-willed child, hopefully the parent raises from the view point of strength as opposed to weakness. As parents, we should assume that we have given our children the tools needed to succeed and allow them to do so. We should not baby them, take up for them when they are wrong, and shelter them. We should discipline them, protect the when necessary, and trust that they will make good decisions. A friend told me that strong-willed children grow up to be solid teenagers and adults. They do not choose to give in to peer pressure, as weaker teens may do. I believe this to be true, because the subjects of my first two points (sister and husband), were both very strong teens. They made good decisions and should be very proud of themselves. Madeley will be the same way. As some of you know, I ask A LOT of questions. When I come across successful parents, I ask them what their secret is. How have the been so successful? I take all the suggestions very seriously and plan to use as many of them as I can. I want Madeley to be everything God created her to be! I want her to be involved in church and music and whatever else she wants. It is my job to provide those experiences for her, so I have a lot of work ahead of me. I think we are off to a great start though!

If you can't hear the singing video, here's a picture of the piano playing, strong-willed child.



Okay, she may just be reaching for some candy, but she knows where the piano is!

If you have stuck through the entire 3-point essay, thank you!! I love you! Talk to you soon...


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