Tough Stuff

I have thought all day about blogging.  What should I talk about?  What do I have to say today?  Do I have anything important to say?  Anything funny to say?  To be honest, blogging is like writing an ongoing book.  It takes time, thought, courage, and willingness for each post to come out like I want it to.  I like to blog about my day, but nothing crazy happened today... except for a few emotional breakdowns.  And Madeley cried a few times too. :)

Why the emotional breakdowns?  I think Derrick's and my marriage is a roller coaster.  As a couple, we are great.  But drop us into a few major life changes, and all of a sudden we are in a whirlwind of despair.  It may just be me, he usually seems very stable.  A friend texted me a few days ago and said, "Your marriage is going to be so strong."  Well, I sure hope so.  I do know that God has chosen us to go through each circumstance to teach us something.  Although each time, I never really know what he's teaching us.  So I always get a little frustrated.  Lately, I've tried to focus on the best part of losing a mother and mother-in-law.  They are in heaven.  I listened to an online sermon today over 2 Corinthians 5... a wonderful passage.  We all know death is unavoidable.  As Christians, we are happy for each day God gives us, but still anxiously awaiting the day we meet him.  Anxiously awaiting the day we are reunited with the people we love.  Anxiously awaiting the day we step out of a sinful world and into a perfect one.  The first verse of the passage says, "For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we will have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."  This is a promise of heaven.  The perfect place that is waiting... where there is no pain, no sin, no struggle.  

When I spoke at my mother's funeral, I quoted a line from The Little Mermaid.  As King Triton watched his daughter leave to be with Eric, he knew she would be happy forever.  But he said to Sebastian, "Well, I guess there's one problem left... How much I'm going to miss her."

That's how I feel right now, and I'm sure Derrick feels the same way.  I can't be mad that our mom's are gone to live in the perfect splendor of the Lord, I just miss them.

I am so sorry to be such a downer, but I have to deal with grief somehow, and this seems to be my outlet.  I got depressed after my mom was gone and I know it was because I wasn't opening myself up to others... and God.  Well, I plan to be an open book now.  And I must say thanks to my Dad for cooking me an amazing dinner.  He does a good job taking care of me!

Thanks for reading.  I'll be happier tomorrow.